Joining the group at Amongst Lovely Things again this weekend.
I find this quote particularly challenging – any thoughts you might have are very welcome!
“…I think with a sort of smile of some of my friends in London who are quite sure of how children will turn out if you give them what they call “the right environment.” It is a troublesome thing, environment, for it sometimes works positively, sometimes negatively, and more often between the two. A beautiful environment may make a child love beauty; it may make him bored with beauty; most likely the two effects will mix and neutralise each other. Most likely, that is, the environment will make hardly any difference at all.” – G.K. Chesterton
(from the essay “The Tower” in Tremendous Trifles)
This quote strikes against so many, many people who write about childrearing and homeschooling that I find myself mentally arguing with Chesterton, which turns out to be an interesting exercise, because (given what I’ve already read of him) I’m pretty sure he’s much smarter than I am, and so must actually know. This means that, instead of simply pointing out the crazy errors of his reasoning in my mental argument, I’m actually wrestling to find out what exactly he means.
I don’t think he means that we should neglect our children completely. I don’t think he means that we shouldn’t care if our children are raised in squalor. I think that he means, at least in part, that we should be more concerned with our children themselves than their environment. And he maybe he means that I should give up some of my ideas that about the amount of control I have in how my child turns out, admitting that my child has free will and can choose his or her own path regardless of the things that I do to help or hinder progress.
I find myself returning often to this quote in my mind. Sometimes it comforts me – when my house is messy and I realize that I still haven’t done X, Y, and Z that I’d planned for beautifying or making more edifying their environment. Sometimes it challenges me when I realize that I can’t just rely on the things surrounding my children to form them while I attend to other things. Sometimes it reminds me that I should be praying for their futures with greater fervor.
8 comments:
I can fully appreciate and relate your quote and post Monica :) Wishing you a blessed Lent with your beautiful family!
Great quote! I think what you said about control is important. Sometimes the environment is not what we'd choose but God can bring something beautiful out of it that couldn't have been obtained from a perfectly ordered atmosphere.
Oh wow. This essay just flew to the top of my Chesterton reading list. I'll come back and chat after I've read it!
Okay I read it. I think you hit it dead on, though it was at the very end (when he says he'll just gaze at the belfry instead of spending so much time considering it's environment) that got me to the same take away. Would love to hear what others think about this.
I think you're right, we should be concerned more with our children than their environment - and yes, they can certainly make their own choices too!
What also occurs to me is that I've sometimes seen families that place a premium on environment and having things just right but then they don't honor the environment they are trying to create. Like the environment is for show, and not for real life. I'm trying to think of some good examples... like spending lots of time and money on making the public spaces of the house beautiful, but not the bedrooms and private spaces. Or insisting the children only watch a few, well chosen movies or shows (or none at all) but then the parents getting sucked into the latest hot TV series and watching episode after episode of trash or near trash. Or in a non physical way, talking a lot about virtue and truthfulness, but then lying on a form in order to let a child participate in an event they aren't old enough or otherwise qualified to participate in. I think lacking consistency in our environment, or making it something for show rather than something that permeates everything, can be absolutely deadly.
In reading what I wrote, I just wanted to add that I'm not saying that if we're absolutely perfect in our implementation of environment, things will work out as we want and expect - but rather that we can sabotage ourselves (and our children!) through inconsistency. But of course, there is always free will, and there is always the agency of God to do far more than we ever imagined possible!
How is it that I read this essay several times and miss this gem! That is what I love about G.K.
The quote seems to me to speak that eternal truth that our children are not truly ours but are given to us. In that responsibility we go overboard with our importance and over estimate our choices for them. Also that as parents we tend to make our child's successes and failures are own when truly, they belong to the child. Does that make sense?
I think the problem I most run into when I think about environment more than I should is that I see a problem with my children and think, "What can I get that will help with that?" Sometimes that's a useful question, and sometimes that's just consumerism -- I will buy something to fix my problem! Most often it's not something I can get (although I did recently get a number line, which is helping to clear up my 5-year-old's confusion with which numbers are less and which are more!), but something that needs to change in attitude or perspective or approach or maturity -- either mine or theirs. And of course it's always a matter for prayer!
And OH YES, I agree with the idea that success and failures are actually theirs and not ours. I've been working on this one for a while! Being pregnant at the moment with hormones raging, I found myself crying this morning over what was not my fault but felt like a big failure -- it was a moment of wanting to be in control. My husband, God bless him, reminded me of this post and not being God, because the situation was truly not in my control, despite the fact that I wanted it to be!
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